You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
