Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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