...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
