Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
