You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
