We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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