I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
