The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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