I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
