K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
