walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
