3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
