Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
