He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I want you more than these girls want KFC
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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