Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Randomize
