I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
