Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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