every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
