I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize