Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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