I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
