eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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