K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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