the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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