Me. At least after what I've been through.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
