My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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