Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize