Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Randomize
