Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
