I think scott just propositioned me for sex
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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