My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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