have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
