Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
