I have demons in me.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Randomize
