We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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