Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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