the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
