i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
