I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Randomize
