i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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