You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
