Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
