DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
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