if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
