I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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