if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Randomize
