so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
