Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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