She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
