I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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