i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
