bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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