didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
