Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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