I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize