before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
