What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
