i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
