Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize