; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
