Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
