Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
