maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
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