i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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