So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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