making cat noises will not fix the situation.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize