So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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