I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
