i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Randomize