So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
