i just wanna soil my oats bro
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
