I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
