as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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