too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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