Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
