haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
