I love black thongs
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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